Two nights recently I’ve been woken up with leg cramps.
Not your run-of-the-mill “I’ve got a charlie horse” kind of cramps, but “oh my fucking god who let the velociraptor in the house to gnaw on my leg” kind of cramps. Emerging from deep REM sleep to that kind of pain does not make for rational discourse so my explanation for the shrieking was something along the lines of, “STOP IT. BH, MAKE IT STOP. NO, NO, NO. OH MY GOD. STOP IT!” I feel that this communicated the gravity of the situation but BH feels like maybe I left out some important details, such as 1. What he needed to stop? 2. Where was this offending agent? 3. How was he to go about bringing it to a halt?
Details, details. . .
So after the last episode, as we’re lying in bed and I’m trying to trust that I can fall asleep again without the phantom raptor returning, BH explained his theory on the pain. “You just have to hit it, because then you’re in control of the pain.“ He calls this his “Psychological Theory of Pain.” I asked him if he perhaps I could kick him soundly in the testicles and then he could hit himself somewhere else, so he could be in control of the pain.
He declined.
Wimp.
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